A couple times yesterday and today I looked at the craigslist mfm ads and at a site called adam4adam.com. I used to check them out on and off, sort of compulsively at times, before I met M, and I very rarely met anybody that way but still looked, just sort of voyeuristically. I guess I like looking at naked pictures of random lonely people. Not that it wasn’t always a bit depressing, but now it seems extra pathetic, guys saying they’re looking for a ltr and uploading close-ups of their anuses. That’s what I’m back to. Yay.
Not that anonymous hookups can’t be fun and hot, but that’s not what I crave, not what I miss. I miss sitting up in bed watching a movie, M’s head on my shoulder. God, that was nice. I miss falling asleep with M’s back against my front. I miss smiling and kissing and his hand on my knee. And fucking, too, yes but only along with all the other stuff.