You Mess With Us, and You're Gonna Wake Up One Morning With a Condom on Your House.

Jesse Helms is Dead.

I've been wondering today where all the hate goes when somebody so hateful dies. Does it decompose along with his corpse? It seems like it would at least linger like an odor, a whiff of sulfur. He wielded it with such implacable force, bruised and battered so many people and institutions over so many years that it's hard to believe such hate wouldn't be a hard, solid thing.

Hallelujah, Thank You Jesus.

The tooth is gone. I like that it was tooth #1 on the big master tooth chart (did you know they're all numbered?). He showed it to me after he pulled it out, and it was nasty-looking: huge and discolored, with a big hole in it.

The whole thing took 15 minutes tops and I didn't feel a thing, which is a drag because the oral surgeon was cute. As I was leaving, he said, "Call me if you need me."

Um, I need you!

Young Love.

My nephew L, who is 12 and cute as the dickens (as my grandma used to say), has a girlfriend. He asked his mom (my sister) if he was allowed to "date," whatever that could possibly mean at 12. She says L and the girl are texting each other all day long.

When my sister told me, I was incredulous and maybe even a little appalled. 12? Isn't that extremely young? He hasn't even started puberty yet. I'm sure I had no interest in dating at 12. But then I remembered (duh) of course I was interested in boys at 12, but my interest didn't lead me to ask my mother if I was allowed to go on a date. I knew that if I ever told anyone about the evil growing inside me, I would spend the rest of my life being raped in jail, and even if I didn't tell anyone I would spend eternity roasting on a spit.