I just realized that I haven't blogged about my big attitude shift this week.
All this back and forth about the drug studies recently -- first I'm in, then I'm out, first it's $7000, then it's $3500, first it's April and May, then it's not -- making me crazy about my financial straits. For the last couple of weeks I was feeling more and more strung out. I was anxious about my evaporating bank balance, but that stress reproduced asexually and suddenly I was worrying about my writing, about the garden, about Z.
The weekend was bad, I drank too much on Saturday (apparently, though I only had 3 beers), was sick on Sunday.
I hadn't smoked any marijuana for several weeks because, for the drug studies they test for "illicit" drugs as part of the screening process, and pot can stay in your urine for weeks. But Sunday night I said fuck it and I got high. God, I feel better. Ever since, I've been relaxed and cheerful and focused.
So I'll smoke for a few days and then give it up again for a couple weeks before I start looking again for a drug study to take part in. These drug studies are always going on, there are always more of them coming. My financial situation is not going to be any worse two weeks from now, so I might as well relax and make the most of this time I have for myself.
I'm a firm believer in the medicinal use of intoxicants!