Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Where Am I?

This is the kind of ad that I'm scrolling through, looking for work. I find this process so profoundly depressing, for reasons I've whined about enough.

*Do you have a great smile and personality?
*Do you radiate energy that is felt by those around you?

Texadelphia is looking for Customer Service Reps that embody a great attitude and exhibit the ability to connect with our customers. We have immediate opportunties at all of our locations for day/night, part-time/full-time positions.

Here are a few of the qualities and expectations that we require for this position:

*An awesome disposition.
*Energy that is easily noticed by others.
*A charisma that is "contagious" to our customers and your fellow employees.
*The ability to suggestively sell our menu offerings.
*The utmost of integrity, honesty, and dedication to the position.

As a customer service rep with Texadelphia, you set the feel for what our customers experience. We are looking for special candidates that can create atmosphere and maintain the experience that Texadelphia has been known for 30 years - an atmosphere that is cool and comfortable from a customer's viewpoint.

A couple of things to consider when applying:

*We don't wear uniforms.
*The qualified candidate will make $8+/hour + tips (usually $2-$3 extra/hour depending on your ability to engage the customer).
*We provide balanced, consistent schedules.
*You will be joining a cohesive teamwork environment that will support your success as you will support your fellow employees.

***

We look forward to meeting YOU!

What universe is this, where fast food workers radiate energy that is felt by those around them? Like, for instance, the kind of energy you might find leaking from the gates of hell? I worked at McDonald's for a summer when I was a teenager, and I'm almost positive I didn't have an awesome disposition. I'm not qualified for this, and I'm not qualified for the high-paying corporate jobs either -- the ads for which are virtually identical to this one -- even though I've done both.

The older I get, the more alien I feel. I can't live in the world of these ads. I don't breathe the same air.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Or, you could quit whining about having to actually work, suck it up, and put your best face forward when you need to participate in the mainstream to survive. Attitude makes a big difference in what people do.

You breathe the same air. You need money and food, just like everyone else. You eat, drink, breathe, sleep, and shit...just like other people.

Whining like someone a quarter your age isn't going to help you, or anyone else. Who knows who you'll meet out there, un-isolated from the greater world?

Lily's Mommy said...

I have to admit that ads like that make me uncomfortable. What the hell do they actually mean? Of course, they can't advertise "we take the lazy shitheads that can't get a job elsewhere", right?

I know that's not necessarily fair or true. But it was fun to write. :)

I'm going in a different career direction. I refuse to be an office lackey any longer. But it's a little bit terrifying. Good luck!

Tim said...

heh the key is to learn how to read them. Radiating energy, means able to smile. Awesome disposition means your going to be dealing with drunks, and probably low tippers. and finally "You will be joining a cohesive teamwork environment" you will have to share your meager tips with the group.

Anonymous said...

Hey anonymous #1. I'll bet you are a supervisor, or "team leader" so you have internalized this bullshit, to the point that you really believe this corporate mumbo-jumbo. Some of us haven't, and won't, so yes, we don't breath the same air. We smell the pollution.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous #1 would like to point out that neither does she manage anything, nor does she think Anonymous #2 has any different lungs or olfactory organs than any other person.

You don't smell the pollution, Anonymous #2. You smell your need for a good bath.