It pains me to realize that it's been almost two months since I posted anything here. I told myself I wouldn't resort to this sort of excuse making, but I can't stop myself from trying to explain it. I have a job, that's what it comes down to. I have a job. It's the reason I get very little writing done, art made, or for that matter anything that isn't commuting, working, or relaxing for the precious few minutes left in the day after I get home.
No use fretting about it -- no use, but that doesn't stop me, from time to time -- everybody's got to pay the rent, right? When I look at the numbers of blog posts over the last few years, it's clearly unemployment that jacks those numbers up, right? It's funny to say that I was unemployed, to describe a period of my life when I was most productive as "unemployment." Oh, the irony.
So, anyway, it's January 1st, a new year, and as a nod to the idea that what you do on January 1st has some magical effect on the year ahead, I'm determined to get something posted, no matter how short, or cursory, unsatisfying, inadequate, whatever.
1. Maybe everything will change this year. We're in the middle of negotiating a new option agreement for Lizzie Borden with some new producers who have plans for a regional production or two or three that, if everything goes well, will land back in New York. Maybe. Maybe not. But, maybe. As I said to Tim one night last year when we were talking about how we deal with the relentless cycle of anticipation and disappointment, "The chances in this business that you will be disappointed are always exponentially greater than that you won't." That's just the underlying fact. If you can't come to terms with that fact, I don't see how you can have an artist's life.
2. C and I spent an hour or two this afternoon making a list of wedding guests. We have talked about a small wedding, just immediate family and close friends. The list is nearly 100. My guess is that about 70 or so will actually come. Even so. We're still not sure when. We'd been thinking December, but now we wonder if spring might be easier for everyone. I can't believe I'm preparing for a wedding. A wedding. FYI, anything can happen. Even the most unlikely thing you can imagine or contemplate. Especially that. Do not forget: anything can happen.
We had a small group of friends over for New Year's Eve last night. What a sweet, interesting, funny, smart, thoroughly enjoyable group of friends we have. Just one more reason for me to be astounded at how breathtakingly lucky I am. I made a red chile posole with a pork shoulder and blue corn. It takes about 3 days to make. Not 3 days of solid labor, but it's a multi-stage process and can't be rushed.
I used mostly guajillo chilies but I threw in a couple anchos, too. Our guest devoured it. Before that, I served a cheddar beer fondue (Gaston 3-year-old cheddar and Smuttynose IPA) with big cubes of toasted bread and chunks of apple and pear. C got a fondue pot for Xmas from his family. I was a little leery because our kitchen is so tiny and a new appliance can require some serious engineering, but this fondue was outstanding and I'm totally sold on the idea now. Again, our friends made short work of it. I know it's all about my ego, but it's hugely gratifying to me when people demolish the food I cook.
Most gratifying of all though is seeing C's and my friends come together and enjoy each other's company.
Tonight, I'm full to bursting with love for my life, my friends, my family old and new, after our sweet visits with first my family in Indiana and then C's in North Carolina, and then home to New York to be with our accumulated family of friends here (many of whom have been in my life for over 20 years) to welcome the new year. I'm a lucky man.