This is funny. Or really fucked-up.
I was going to give a copy of my CD (the soundtrack to my film) to Z., this guy I've been seeing for a few weeks. But I stopped myself because -- and these are the words that actually went through my head -- I don't want him to fall in love with me. Fucked up in so many ways. First, that I would be so sure that my music would have that effect is a little conceited, huh? And to think that I would or should have control over whether someone falls in love with me or not. Besides, I don't believe in falling in love.
Z. and I spent last Sunday together, most of the day. When I told him I would be holed up in this drug trial for 11 days starting Thursday, we decided we should try to see each other once during the week. So, we met for a beer on Tuesday. He asked me if he could see me at least briefly on Wednesday, and I was not at all reluctant. Downtown was crowded for Valentine's Day crowd. Neither of us acknowledged the day except in sort of a generic way, not related at all to the two of us and our situation. What I mean is, no flowers or chocolate were exchanged. It would be a little soon for that kind of thing, I think, even if I didn't think that Valentine's Day was the most inane holiday in the universe.
I like that he likes to do free or cheap things. Since I don't have much choice.