Monday, April 9, 2007

Shit or get off the pot.

I think I first heard that expression from my mother.

It seems that there is a point, in dating, where most people expect the relationship to develop into something new (more serious), and, if not, then it's time to move on. I get the feeling Z. and I have reached that point. The thing is, I kind of like it the way it is. I don't have any interest in spending more time together, in saying, "I love you," or meeting his family, or anything. A nice walk, maybe a meal together, make out, talk, look at the stars, once a week. It's enough.

At first, it just happened that we saw each other about once a week. He travels for work, I was doing the drug trial. We'd get together, then two or three days later, one of us would call and we'd make plans to get together again. But now, he consistently calls me the day after we've seen each other, though I usually don't return his call for a few days.

In the last week, I've been writing for several hours a day, and I told Z. that I would be preoccupied with this and might not see him as much. He's patient, he understands. He's not at all demanding. We chatted on line Saturday and made plans to get together Sunday night (last night). I was a little stoned when we chatted, and the idea of cuddling and watching TV sounded really nice, so I said yes.

But when I woke up yesterday, I canceled, because I just wanted to get high, cook, and hang out here with J. all day. Z. was a little miffed. Mainly because I emailed but didn't call and he didn't get the email until after the time we said we'd get together. I had my phone turned off all day. I hate the phone.

Just the fact that this is even a thing is more than I want to deal with. I try to keep my life simple. Maybe I should say that right up front when I meet people. "I'm going to keep things simple, okay, so don't get all complicated on me."

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