Jay is building a fence around our garden. I gave up helping him and came inside. I think I'll let him make the fence, and I'll do the planting tomorrow. It's still sometimes very difficult for us to work on a project together. Even after all these years and so many lessons, so much forgiveness.
Here's the pattern, as far as I can make it out: J. has a plan. I'm unclear on the details of the plan. I ask for clarification. J. seems reluctant to answer. The more I press, the more frustrated he becomes. Not having a sense of the outline of the project, I decide to see if I can figure it out as we go. J. becomes frustrated that I'm not forging ahead on my own but waiting for his cues. He stops talking, but keeps working. I'm angry because I don't know what the hell is going on. He's angry because I'm not helping.